I feel like I’ve spent most of my life along the fringes of Christianity.
I’ve tried repeatedly to push towards the center, but I always ended up disillusioned and empty.
Over the past year plus, I’ve gone the other way.
Instead of pushing towards the center, I’ve pushed my way through the outer walls of the faith and emerged on the other side.
Equally disillusioned, but deep down at peace.
I think I feel at peace because though I’m outside of Christianity, I feel closer to the center of everything than I’ve ever been.
I think I feel peace because my search is motivated by a desire to find the both-and in all the either-or that’s defined what I was taught.
As the sketch below illustrates, I may be lost beyond the fringes on the scale of Christianity, but I feel far closer to the middle on the universal scale.
And, despite my deep sense of loneliness now, I have faith that in some way that too will resolve in time.
Visualization: Belief system Map
Holding tightly to a single belief system guarantees you’ll be on the fringe of the bigger picture.
Being on the fringe or outside of a single belief system (or attempting to find the middle that joins two seemingly opposing circles) brings you to the middle of the bigger picture.